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Game 47 Spellcasting 101 Sorcerers Get All the Girls Eaglebeaks Erotic Amazonian Adventures

Written by Aperama

Ernie Eaglebeaks Journal #4: Okay, so my problems arent the ones that Id expected. After infuriating myself around the Isle of Lost Soles, I managed to finally free all eighty of them. Silly guys, the lot of them – some of them were even in a human form.. I wonder why they didnt try to free themselves! Still, it seems like the Isle is pretty much a dead end. Theres nothing much left to do here – honestly, I think I KABBULed all of the fun out of them, as they just ran off to attack their accountant. My trusty map came into play again as I pretty well picked a point at random and made my surfboard fly off there – it was strange, because the surfboard doesnt align with BOA, which is clearly half way down the map. Still, the next isle was easy enough to get to. I knew I was in for a little fun when I looked at the galleys out there – I know an Amazon design when I see one! Unfortunately, uh.. yeah, theyre very.. willing to meet me. Im not sure I can take much more of this.. oh great, another one. Im just a piece of meat to these women!

Thanks, Ilmari! (I still say that bristly pad is nigh-unsolvable...  Ive never heard of a doormat described as such)

Ever feel like youve wasted an hour of your life? I think of all of the things I could be doing other than traversing this stupid island. I was at least happy that I managed to find a different couple of screens (I seriously struggle to notice the down arrow, and the long descriptions of the rooms only come up once) – but it goes without saying that this is the sort of thing that, were I not playing for the group, that would have turned me off of the game altogether. I can only imagine that this is true of a lot of people who played through these games. Given I dont have feeling that I need to finish something bought at retail for a considerable amount (even if it was purchased, I imagine it would have been quite cheap these days), its not like theres a real impetus to keep going. Only two things have maintained my sanity. One, waiting about an hour and a half by repeatedly pushing z or wait gives a direct clue from a fairy (which I used incessantly). Two, all of the objects that correspond to a soul give the same message informing you that the KABBUL spell doesnt work by naming the object, but the person (so MATT, not bristly pad.)

But that doesnt mean that I understand how Pierre is a stuffed moose... Admins explanation: Reading the will tells that the stuffed moose  will inherit a small green round vegetable. So, the moose is a "PEA HEIR"

So, I left off last time around slightly over 40 of the 80 required and a small handful of the number that I had yet to solve. I did my best to actually make it through the puns as a puzzle as opposed to using the simple cheapness of repeatedly waiting for names to pop up. (It would have taken almost as much time to get through them unfairly as it did mostly fairly, to be completely truthful.) I managed to puzzle out some of the names in the outer screens already shown fairly – for instance, DAWN was in the forested area in the description. LEIF was a pretty obvious jump from there, given I was just listing off every last forest-related pun name I could think of. KNUTE was a fluke that popped up almost perfectly in time after looking at the first hint given by Ilmari in regards to the salamander I picked up (which makes me come up with all sorts of bad jokes about lizards being in pockets, naturally.) And then, after managing Pierre off of another fluke fairy namedrop (I simply ran the name in each screen until the moose jumped off of the wall). And then, I saw the down arrow at the top left of the screen..

The room full of bad puns ending in e. I got half of the names before even looking at the descriptions

GABBY, the loudmouth. HARDY, the tough seeming e. GOLDIE, the one made of a shiny yellow metal. LUCY, the trampy letter. LACEY, the one with a fine white tatting. ARCHIE, the one that forms a large curve across the room, like some improbable stone rainbow. CONNIE was the one who was putting down bets on a gambling match on the phone. DUSTY I got again from a fairy later on (the description being covered with a thin layer of powdery substance – I might have gotten this one fairly if it werent for the terrible description used to intentionally make it difficult to follow this.) DAISY, similarly, the confused (or dazed) e.. I picked this up less from the description given than the desperate listing of names that seemed like theyd fit in with bad E puns. There was also a conventiongoer E – but when I tried to KABBUL that on its own, it came up with the guess this isnt a lost soul prompt and led me to continue exploring the rooms..

Ive never heard of anyone called Gaylord before, but maybe Im just ignorant like that

And from the room full of es to.. British Aisles, the room full of bad puns related to British names. There was only the one difficult name here (as listed above, GAYLORD) – the rest of them in here were really pretty easy. BOBBY is, of course, a British policemans uniform. LULU, a pair of loos. (Okay, already having that one listed in the clues didnt hurt.) The broken toilet seal? A LUCILLE, of course. BILLY? A billy club. A truck was almost a little difficult to work out, but after a quick think, a LAURIE (a lorry) and I was out of the room almost immediately. Now feels like a good point to state that the game has a sincere issue with the in-game script not being scrollable, given that an extra five minutes is taken every time you use the look command – the fact that Ive been using the script command to keep a log of everything that happens is quite helpful for this, repeatedly opening up the log in notepad while playing to re-read.. but not giving the opportunity in-game is just silly, particularly as it comes to this area with writing all themed towards being obtuse in favour of bad puns often creating three screens of text to read.

I was already pretty deep into my list of eighty by this point, but reading this immediately made me think of a (christmas) CAROL.

The vacuum tube that was bizarrely without noise, of course, was HUM PHREY. A MIKE was hanging over the recording room, and a MELODY was playing throughout the room. Im not entirely sure why, but NOEL worked in here – Im still not sure exactly what it was in relation to as I had no interactive object to deal with. (I looked back through my log, and even ticking off each item in the room, I was able to tick off each.) Sure enough though Fry, it gave a little speech with the very predictable joke - "Its a peasure to meet you. Im much obiged for heping restore our ost sous. Someday I wi repay your kindness..." Im more than perfectly willing to admit that Id lost count by this point and was just hoping not to get stuck at 79 or something similar. ADLAI popped up by fairy-gram in the room I walked downstairs in from an advertisement on the wall – it might have been easier if Id ever heard the name ADLAI before, indeed. WOODROW, a row of trees, and Id KABBUL-ed almost everything I could find. CLIFFORD and SANDFORD in the valley area left me with just the following: “A wooden structure spans a dried-up stream bed. A pronoun stands atop the structure.” (I needed the clue to finish up this degree of hell and find BRIDGITTE and my way out of this god-awful place..)

My reward? A key!

The next closest island seemed to be on the BOA line of the map  – but that seems like itll have to come another time..

So we go to the next best pla--

So, going from the island of horrible puns to.. an island with a slightly different view on things. I wasted most of my play-time in the previous area in truth – landing on the dock of the Island of Horny Women was nearly as far as I managed to get after the severe burnout in trying to learn names like ADLAI and GAYLORD. The opening dock has a few large galleys which indicate the boats to be of Amazon design, featuring all-women crews. How Ernie manages to see this much from the distance of the dock is beyond me – but anyhow, we go on happily enough. Unfortunately, a gust of wind happens to shoot up over our cloak, covering our face from the impending horde of Amazonian VGA beauty. Its soon drawn down by the Amazon leader, Ursula Unquenchablefire, though.. and all of the Amazons then exclaim the same thing - “A Man!”

Ursula, in case you were all wondering, is the one in the red..

And has called first dibs on us. (And given our next destination, methinks!)

Theres nothing wrong with this, and all – theres more than enough Ernie to go around! The first woman goes down without a problem.. and the next is kicking down our door before I even get to look around the room. Theres obviously a key to pick out of Ursulas uniform, but shes far stronger than us – even a quick ZEM on ourselves isnt enough to give the additional vigour that wed clearly need to wear her out and pinch the key. Turns out shes just locking up the door that leads to the no longer present Attachment to the Great Appliance, anyhow.. and she leaves rather quickly after joining us, given were literally thrown down to the bed (or the ground) by each and every woman around here! Opening the Hope Chest in the room produces a pair of high heels, and the idea of what weve clearly got to do now is quite clear as another woman jumps out and has their way with us. Ernies beginning to find this painful, Kenny! Climbing up leads to a different room with an armoire (or as the game so eloquently calls it, a whaddyacallit) for Somewhat Important People...

Im not sure whether this is a joke, or if Mr. Meretzky just got lazy here

Another item pops up inside the closet – a gown. So, it seems pretty clear to me here that were playing the old cross dress our way out of trouble card. The last game I can think of with a similar theme was dressing up in a loaded bikini and a wig in Leisure Suit Larry 2 to get past the KGB – so its been a little while since we of the adventure gaming clan were forced to pretend we were the opposite sex for the sake of escape. (Technically QFG2 with Zayishah, sure, but not as a main character doing so.) Were allowed out of our room regardless (though trying to move around within the Somewhat Important Peoples room just leads us to getting jumped at by a happy chambermaid who starts to apologise – then sees our masculine shape and decides shes less than sorry. Back out into the parade grounds and all we get is a healthy amount of groping, though sitting in public does at least allow us not to be sexually assaulted. Head south from there? We end up in a shop where it appears were paying...

In enthusiasm, I suppose?

The store has a few items, and the game chooses now to mention that theres an item weight limit. The lead-plated sword within (another atomic dragon to slay?) I cant pick up, but after a touch of re-jigging my inventory, Im able to at least end up with most of the shops items. Dropping my SU registration form and Gretchens scribbled note in exchange for lipstick, a pomegranate and the current issue of "Amazon Monthly." The lead article is about a group of seamstresses from Fort Blackwand coming to the island to study the Amazons collection of intriguing local etchings. (Obviously, Fort Blackwand is where were going to end up at the end of the game!) Ive got to point out that the normal sexy music on emulated Roland MT-32 is beginning to go weird by about the third time it plays, making a grating set of noises that makes me very glad for the MUSIC OFF function. Still, after quite a bit of bumping around, I couldnt work out how to hide my masculinity fully, even wearing my gown, high heels and lipstick. I feel like Im supposed to be doing something with the cowl of Ernies cloak, but Im a touch lost as to how to use both at once – attempting to leave in the cloak but not the gown leads to Look at that body! A man! Dont let him get away! and the vice versa leads to Look at that hair! A man!.. Oh well. Perhaps its just time we give up and let fate set in..

Plus side? Ernie doesnt have to go through all of these smokes the Amazons are stealing off of him! Perhaps Sir Lancelot was right about all of the peril after all, though..

Id list inventory here, but I am sensing its going to become very redundant if the weight limits are truly of concern and I have to start jettisoning things to pick up lead-plated swords. Spells are all the same since last post, and all of the new items that I have access to are a key given to me by the Isle of Lost Souls, a pomegranate, a magazine, a gown, some lipstick, high heels and a lead plated sword.

Session Time: 1 hour 30 min
Total Time: 5 hours 30 min

Note Regarding Spoilers and Companion Assist Points: There’s a set of rules regarding spoilers and companion assist points. Please read it here before making any comments that could be considered a spoiler in any way. The short of it is that no points will be given for hints or spoilers given in advance of me requiring one. Please...try not to spoil any part of the game for me...unless I really obviously need the help...or I specifically request assistance. In this instance, Ive not made any requests for assistance. Thanks!